Column, 329 words

A Bacon-Wrapped Cholesterol Bomb

A new Little Caesars pizza might land you in the emergency room.

Jim Hightower

Let me say one word to you: Bacon.

Not only is it delicious, it’s practically irresistible — I even know vegans who sneak bites of the stuff.

And these days, it’s hard to avoid the pork strip. It’s in snack foods, on school lunch trays, and in bars, breakfast joints, food trailers, and fine dining establishments. Full-blown bacon festivals are the latest thing.

Whether you call it bacon, pancetta, pork belly, or whatever, it’s everywhere — and it’s big. Sales now top $4 billion a year, and they’re still growing.

Unfortunately, bacon is also growing us, feeding the continuing expansion of America’s midriffs — and with it diabetes, heart disease, and other health problems. Please don’t get me started on the vile corporate hog factories, where most of the brand-name bacon comes from.

But a little discretion and moderation can be a bacon eater’s friend. You don’t have to buy the industrialized brands. Nor do you have to eat a pound a day, or even a week.

Little Ceasars Bacon Wrapped Pizza

theimpulsivebuy/Flickr

Which brings me to the latest offering by the Little Caesars fast food chain: the “Bacon-Wrapped Crust Deep! Deep! Dish Pizza.” Yes, the official name really includes those exclamation points.

One word of advice: Don’t.

It’s a cholesterol bomb, thick with fatty “cheese” gooeyness and wrapped on all sides with strips of bacon. Lots of bacon, actually — a whopping three-and-a-half feet per pizza.

But this porker of a pizza doesn’t stop at mere excess. Little Caesars crowns the monster with pepperoni and crumbled bacon.

The price is $12, but that’s not the real cost. Each slice doses you with 450 calories, 23 grams of fat, 830 milligrams of salt, and 40 milligrams of cholesterol.

David Scrivano, the chain’s CEO is unapologetic. “This is a more indulgent offering for a demographic that craves premium quality,” he said.

Fastidious eaters can always get a veggie pizza, he added.

Excuse me, sir, but quantity isn’t quality. They should name this thing “The Emergency Room.”

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OtherWords columnist Jim Hightower is a radio commentator, writer, and public speaker. He’s also editor of the populist newsletter, The Hightower LowdownOtherWords.org.